After a night out with my best friend in the dealer industry, Dominic, and best friend in general (Trey) — we went bowling and after to the casino — I realize this is probably the first time in my life I’ve been able to blend multiple scenes of friends, and do it right.
For some reason this has been a real issue for me in the past. As a kid it was more Josh — my childhood best friend — and whomever my best friend at school was; at 16 it was Josh and Trey; at 18 it was my girlfriend and whoever else; at 20 it was John — my good friend after Trey and I stopped talking for a while — and Trey, when we re-entered one another’s life;
It was fairly clear to me when I was a junior in high school that my friendship with Trey was on a different level than it had been with any other friend I’d had before. Even with Josh, who I basically grew up with from age-9 on, had turned into my ostensible best friend — my #1 on Myspace, or whatever — while Trey and I were significantly closer in significantly less time.
Trey played baseball with Josh, and for whatever circumstance neither were ever in the other’s circle. Once Trey and I began hanging out, it didn’t make much sense to try incorporating the the three of us. I chose a side and Josh and I had a falling out (which was actually more benign than it sounds).
The same phenomena occurred when I was 19, at the start of June, 2009.
After Trey and I got in a bullshit argument in the same bowling alley parking lot we parked in last night, there was a good chunk of time we didn’t say a word to each other. Until November, 2010 — the night I went to my ex-girlfriend’s house, where Trey was, with his now-fiancee (my ex’s best friend) — he and I saw each other and shook hands maybe twice. In a year and a half.
During that stage, I was spending the majority of my time with John, who I crossed paths with and struck a friendship with. He and I did almost everything together; we went to parties and took random trips to Newport Beach and smoked a lot of weed. It was a great time. Thinking my friendship with Trey was severed beyond repair, John and I had plans to move out and live the bachelor life for the foreseeable future.
Then November, 2010 happened. After not talking to Trey for a year and a half, and not having seen my ex in about the same amount of time (she broke up with me about two weeks before Trey and I had our falling out), I saw them both the same night. At the same place. Her and I drank scotch on the kitchen floor and talked about life. Then later the four of us played Pictionary, with Trey and I winning. Of course.
That night, Trey and I were outside talking about all sorts of things. Mostly girls. I found it strange that, after all this time, I figured he was mad at me or something, when in reality he was probably going through life thinking the same about me. We didn’t talk about why we stopped talking in the first place for a long time, but when we did we both agreed we were young and stupid, and our friendship is impenetrably stronger now more than ever.
However, what was I supposed to do with John? He was the dude that was there for me when life threw me my first real curveball, which is more to say a bunch of fucking curveballs all at the same time and I couldn’t handle any of them. Over a five-week stretch from May 9th, 2009 to the beginning of June, I lost my girlfriend, best friend, and dropped out of Virginia Tech. Life genuinely sucked.
John will always have a special place in my memory, but the way it ended feels completely unnecessary in retrospect. For several months everything was cool; we still hung out and made music and smoked a lot of weed. But on the few occasions Trey was also there, with John and I, I realized it was never a real question which of the two I was closer to. It was something I was never quite able to negotiate between the two of them at the same time, as Trey operated as if things were back to the way they should be and John felt slighted that I was actively turning my back on him in favor of one of the people who was responsible for my life’s turmoil. I understand both perspectives, but my sentiments were definitely more in line with Trey’s than with John’s.
So that’s how it went. John and I’s friendship dissolved in the winter of 2011 when Trey asked if I wanted to move in with him, as he and his now-fiancee were going through their own drama. After months of being financially capable of moving out with John — who didn’t hold up his end of our plan — I moved in to Trey’s apartment and John and I never really communicated much after that. This isn’t to say the three of us couldn’t have all been friends, but for that to be possible John would have had to set aside his resentment towards the decision I made to be friends with Trey, and that was probably never going to happen.
After John, I wanted to be better about these things in the future. Since I was 5 years old I feel like every relationship I’ve ever had has ended needlessly, but with John particularly so. Dominic, best friend in the casino industry, is 31 and has a girlfriend who has a kid; he’s on his grown man game. Trey and I are 24 now; we’ve been through the game together, and we’re still here. That’s a success in itself. With the three of us, it’s like three men hanging out, not some choice I have to make between one or the other.