Crapshoot

My life has turned into one giant game of craps.

I don’t mean that in the abstract; I mean literally. I deal craps at work, think about craps on my drive home, wake up the following day, think about it on my way to work, deal it at work, then drive home and do the same. The game of craps has taken over my life.

But let’s back up for a second.

October, 2012 was the first memory I have of wanting to be a dealer in the future; I was out at a restaurant getting drinks with my ex-girlfriend who was in town visiting. We had a strange night. The mood was friendly, maybe even playful, but we also digressed into our usual arguments that I probably instigated.

Two things stuck out to me about that night: (1) she told me I’m the only person, ever, that she would have done anything for, and (2) I told her I wanted to be a dealer. She didn’t seem very impressed by the idea.

The rest of the night is hazy. There were laughs, bickers, more laughs, more bickering, and then we randomly held hands on the drive home and I kissed her goodnight. That was all.

It’s only been 28 months since that night — 15 of them dealing — and here I am trying to master the last challenge of my career as a dealer: craps.

I could be wrong, and I’d like to know if I am, but I’m pretty sure, at 24, I’m the youngest craps dealer in Southern California. I turn 25 next week so I’m kind of cheating by saying so, but at the moment I like to think of it as a fact.

I can do anything. And whatever it is I’m doing, I have to be the class of the shift, then eventually the house. If I’m not in it to be the best, then I can’t philosophically continue with the pursuit. I chase until I get it, and once I get it I move on to the next one. It’s in my blood.

Once I started dealing all the table games, I learned roulette. If other people could learn it and deal it, why couldn’t I? So I started dealing it, got good at it. Then around Thanksgiving I moved on to the next challenge, the most prestigious game of them all.

Craps was the hardest game to learn and it’s the most difficult to deal. And how well I do at adjusting to dealing it will define me in the casino industry. But I’m ready for that.

As a 24 year-old I make pretty decent money, which is nice, but since I am in the prime of my life I’m trying to set myself up for the future as well as I possibly can. I’m oddly content being single and childless for the next several years if it comes to that — something I never would have guessed about myself in my youth — because, selfishly, I want to be able to put money away. That’s priority number one. In that sense, the casino is a means to an end.

I’m consumed with craps, both as a dealer and a player, and as an opportunity to propel me in the right direction looking forward. Everything about it fascinates me, and I love that.

More than anything, I’m happy. I’m so at peace with my life right now that dealing craps, creating my style on the table, is my life’s biggest challenge at the moment. It might not sound like much, and in the grand scheme it probably isn’t, but this profession, this game, is more stressful than most jobs. And I’m not just saying that because it’s my job.