Catharsis

I watched Inception again tonight. I’ve seen it maybe five times now. 

Each time, I learn something new… Only it’s not about the plot, it’s about me. Scenes that stuck out the last few times were those with Leonardo DiCaprio and the character playing his deceased wife, the stunning Marion Cotillard. I’ve spent good chunk of time over the last seven years obsessing about what I’ve lost, the love I lost, and feeling that regret tangibly throughout my days. Inception is supposedly about a dream within a dream within a dream, but I see it as the story of a man who won’t let go.

Not can’t. Won’t. 

Catharsis is what I’ve looked for, somewhere, and it’s still yet to find me. Occasionally I feel like closure is right around the corner, but old emotions still pop up. My fear of being alone pales in comparison to being forgotten, but those two items go hand in hand on this side of the computer. I’ve been too afraid to let go, once and for all, because to me it’s the biggest cause connecting me here. I haven’t come to grips with abandoning the most crucial year-plus of my life. I continue reviving this stage to make it real again, even if it isn’t anymore.